# What's behind the position? Finding interests in a conflict

> Learn to uncover the interests behind demands with questions — without persuading and without "why". 20 minutes, pairs. Flow, debrief questions and tips for the faci

Source: https://couchinfo.com/en/exercises/whats-behind-the-position/

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Exercise · Conflict Resolution for Managers

## What Is Behind the Position?

Learn to uncover the interests behind demands with questions — without persuading and without "why".

Time **20 minutes**

Participants **Pairs**

Materials **Position cards**

From the training **Conflict Resolution for Managers**

### Why this exercise

In a conflict people argue from positions: "I won't work on Saturday", "The report has to be daily". Positions exclude each other, but interests are often compatible. This is the core of Fisher and Ury's "Getting to Yes". The exercise trains a manager's key skill in an argument: asking what matters to the person.

### How to run it

1. Each pair gets two position cards: "I won't work on Saturday", "This client is mine", "We don't need the new system" and so on.
2. One person states the position and makes up their own interest, without saying it.
3. The other has 3 minutes to find out the interest with questions: "What matters most to you here?", "What are you concerned about?", "What would a solution need to include to work for you?"
4. Check: did they guess? Swap roles with the second card.
5. Group debrief: which questions worked best.

### Debrief questions

- Which question uncovered the interest fastest?
- What happened when you wanted to persuade?
- Where in your team might a position hide an unexpected interest?

 **Tips for the facilitator**

- Ban the question "why" — it sounds like a demand to justify yourself.
- If a pair slips into arguing, bring them back: "Right now the task is to understand, not to convince."

This exercise is part of a training kit

#### [Conflict Resolution for Managers](https://couchinfo.com/en/training/conflict-resolution-for-managers/)

2 days · 13 hours · 18 exercises · trainer guide with what to say, slide deck, workbook, cards and tests.

 [The kit from $229](https://couchinfo.com/en/training/conflict-resolution-for-managers/)

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### Similar exercises

 [The whole library](https://couchinfo.com/en/exercises/)

 [Conflict Resolution for Managers #### The Red — Blue Game Experience the choice between winning "for myself" and "for both", and see how distrust triggers escalation. 45 minutesPairs, a group of 6 or more](https://couchinfo.com/en/exercises/red-blue-game/)  [Conflict Resolution for Managers #### The Rapoport's Rule Debate Build the habit of restating the other person's position until they agree, and only then disagreeing. 40 minutesTwo teams, 8 or more people](https://couchinfo.com/en/exercises/rapoport-rule-debate/)